Eleanor: Learning to play a musical instrument

Learning to play the recorder was initially terrifying

In the first group session I seemed to be the only person who could merely produce squeaks out of the instrument and, as I also seemed to be the only person who could barely read music, the idea that I would ever be able to master even a simple tune seemed fairly ludicrous. This made me anxious, which made me tense, and this made the squeaks worse. It would have been easy to abandon the idea at this point but as I told myself – four and five year olds can get a tune out of a recorder so I should be able to do it!

I hoped with some practice on my own I would eventually be able to stop squeaking. I also realised that it was important to find a time to practise when I felt relaxed. This turned out to be early in the morning and just before I went to bed. However I also tensed up while practising – especially when things didn’t go well - so the sessions had to be short – a maximum of ten minutes seemed to work best. 

But it took a couple of weeks before I could produce notes instead of squeaks most of the time. Some days were better than others and on days when I could only produce squeaks I abandoned practising completely.

The next group session was almost as difficult as the first. Squeaks returned with the anxiety of trying to get the right notes with others listening. But the group support, and the laughter, meant that the session wasn’t quite as terrifying as the first.

Afterwards I continued to practise morning and evening but tried to extend the attempts to fifteen or twenty minutes if I had the time and if things were going well. The problem now wasn’t so much the squeaking as trying to play the correct notes of simple tunes whilst reading the music. My brain was trying to work out what each note was then send a message to my fingers so that they could put themselves over the correct holes – the process was slow and frustrating! However the reality was that I didn’t actually have to know what the notes were written down - I just had to connect each dot on the page with the correct fingering. I found the easiest way to gain this ability, and to consolidate it, was to play scales.  

Once I started to get the hang of putting fingers over the correct holes, I found it helpful (and less boring) to play simple tunes that I already knew so I could tell immediately if I was playing the wrong note. 

But the group sessions were still a problem. Anxiety not ‘to mess things up’ for everyone else meant that my ‘jumpy eyes’ (a life-long problem as my eyes seem unable to follow a line and instead jump around the page) behaved even more badly than normal and I continually followed the wrong line of music and played all the wrong notes. And of course the squeaks returned.   

Communicating the problem brought help. The solution was written music in a larger font, printed on yellow paper and with only the notes that I needed to play. 

This came at about the same time as the suggestion that the group perform a couple of tunes for a dance a few months into the future.  This idea was again fairly scary but I knew that I could drop out if I felt I couldn’t cope and in the meantime having a couple of tunes to perfect would help to focus practice time. But I knew I would need a lot of practice so the suggestion that some members of the group get together informally to practise was a welcome one.

These informal sessions turned out to be great fun and we spent as much time laughing as playing. This helped the learning process enormously – probably because the laughter kept the anxiety at bay. Any problems I voiced were often shared by others and sometimes solved by others too. I also realised that I wasn’t the only one who couldn’t play particularly well! 

When it came to performing the two tunes we had learnt, it wasn’t actually as terrifying as I thought. Everyone tried their hardest, any mistakes were not too obvious (as no-one was actually listening too closely as they were trying to dance) and several experienced players propped us up! This gave a huge boost to my confidence and to my determination to continue learning. 

So practice began again – fifteen or twenty minutes most mornings and evenings – consolidating tunes I had learnt and challenging myself by trying out new ones. Sometimes I got them entirely right and my sense of achievement knew no bounds! 

I still find it difficult, especially on my own, to get the rhythms right. The group sessions really help with this. I also find it difficult to know when to ‘come in’ in some music. Here the group sessions – both the ‘organised’ ones and the very informal ones with just a few of us getting together – are helping. Following the written music for the other instruments also helps but for this I have to abandon my large font music with only my part on a page and control my ‘jumpy eyes’. This is my current challenge. I now have both music sheets – the yellow one with large font and the ordinary music sheet with all the parts and mine highlighted in yellow marker - side by side on the music stand. Soon I hope to play in the group sessions using only the sheet with my part highlighted although I think for practice purposes I will still find it easier to use the large font and yellow paper.

The ‘drop-in singing’ sessions have helped - with learning how to read music, with learning rhythms, and giving me some confidence generally about ‘making music’ in a group environment.

The terror and anxiety reduces with each group session (both the organised and the ‘ad hoc’ ones) and the pleasure in producing something akin to ‘proper music’ continues to increase.

Eleanor George
July 2017